My mild taste for coffee turned into a full blown addiction. My nervous system needed the stimulant to function. I needed the caffeine because of the benefits of improved alertness, concentration, energy, clear-headedness, and feelings of sociability that it kindled. I was long past the person who needed a cup of coffee in the morning, I had become the person who needed coffee constantly to have energy to stay awake.
Not only was I drinking those harvested, processed, roasted, and brewed beans but I was eating them too. That bitter roasted bean taste combined with the creamy chocolate was a welcomed stimulation for my mouth. I started to crave that slightly sweet yet intense flavour.
Once I realized that I had a bit of a dependence on the java bean I developed a profound disapproval for myself. The idea of having an addiction to anything for any reason was a boat rocker in my world because I was all too familiar with dependency and any association to it was more than I could handle. I stopped eating those tiny chocolate covered treats and stopped drinking the beverage.
My extreme tiredness reached a peak. My head screamed at me for depriving my system of that marvelous stimulant, while at the same time it patted me on the back for being in control. At this point anything had a tendency to annoy me, and I was very free about expressing it. Although in my caffeine withdrawn state I was unaware of how outwardly I was manifesting it.
It was the middle of the night and I was miserable and heavy with weariness, to make matters worse I had just grudgingly refused to participate in the coffee run causing my mouth to salivate and my brain to froth with anger. I was working in a small locked room with two other casino cashiers and a supervisor. It was close quarters. My supervisor was this four foot tall grandmother with a flare that when lit made her go bang! When she heard me refuse a coffee she marched right over to me and reached up to tap my shoulder. I turned and looked down to make eye contact with her, expecting her to give me instruction on something she wanted done, which she did, but it certainly wasn’t what I expected. She looked at me point blank and announced in a voice of authority, “I’m buying you a coffee because you are a bitch tonight!” She stomped out of the room leaving me with no choice but to join the laughter that followed her declaration! My caffeine withdrawal made for a bad few days, but it certainly had some humorous moments as well.
If we were having coffee I would share with you that my birthday is in a few days and so I thought it might be fun to share a story from the life of me and since we are having a virtual cup I decided that it had to fit the theme. Some of you might recall from my post Pass the coffee pot please that I decided that although I reach level 41 this year I am actually celebrating my 40th birthday a second time. So, happy 40th again to me in a few days!
If we were having coffee I would say Happy Canadian Thanksgiving to you. I love Thanksgiving! I love October!
If we were having coffee I would share a thing that I am thankful for. A number of months ago I started something at dinner that to my delight has stuck. So, the boys and I were having dinner and I noticed some long faces around the table. I wasn’t sure what was going on but I knew that we needed to turn this around. I introduced what we call “High, Low” to dinner. We each take a turn sharing what the high point of our day was and the low. The boys liked it so much that they started requesting it every night and after a few weeks my younger son added a twist. He introduced the category of what are you looking forward to. The idea is that no matter how bad your day is there is always something in there that is a high or a positive. So, when we go around each person always has to provide a high. However, if you don’t have a low that is okay. Looking forward to is just that, what is something that is coming that you are excited about. It is a really nice dinner time activity and I am thankful that the boys embraced it.
If we were having coffee I would end with a picture share.
If we were having coffee I would pass you the coffee pot.
By Shari Marshall – 2020
Weekend Coffee Share is hosted by Eclectic Alli. I hope you have a chance to join us for a virtual cup: here.